Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Top 5 Most Blunt Tips You'll Ever Find about Graduation

I'm making it quick - I have a lunch appointment at Pasta Blitz with my mom. I've never been to Pasta Blitz.

5. Learn to hate your gown color early on if it's bad.
At my school, boys wear blue and girls wear white. Motherfucking white. It's so hard to find decent white apparel these days, I'm not even gonna lie. Besides, it's harder to coordinate makeup with white than it is with blue. Girls, stock up on those white dresses as soon as you can. And if you don't have a white gown? Well... goddammit. Lucky bitches.

4. Don't leave anyone too dressed down.
That includes Hello Kitty. =)
Don't have everyone in your group wear white or anything, but they should dress up anyway because they're there to see you, not there to watch a graduation without a care in the world. So, the least they can do is look nice.

3. Look your best, despite having to wear the stupid cap and gown.
You'll have to make adjustments to the cap either way, just go all out on hair and makeup. It's the last time in your entire high school career to do so. My only criticism is don't wear high heels if they're not your best walking shoe. Yes, heels are much prettier than flats, and you'll feel much more glamorous and tall while wearing them, but if you fall off the stage because you can't walk in them, don't expect the entire audience to feel bad.

2. Make sure your parents cheer for you when you're walking the stage.
The biggest load of bullshit I've heard about graduation is how you're not supposed to cheer until after everyone's walked. Except when that happens, people give up on it and cheer midway toward the end, after you've already walked, making you feel like a total asshole. Kids, tell your groups, if they don't at least clap for you, you're coming after their asses. No joke.

1. Learn patience and the art of sucking up.
You'll have to suck it up when you're the fifth one graduating and you have to wait through the rest of the 346 or however many names, while dearly missing your iPod. Just try to be happy that you're more than likely not missing anything on TV tonight, as pretty much every show, except the ten o'clock Bravo shows are, has ended by now.

I probably sounded like a total asshole there, but who cares? I'm graduating tonight. =D

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