Monday, April 27, 2009

Standing Corrected. || Survivor Tocantins episode 10 review

Oh lord. So, Survivor Tocantins.

I’m not gonna lie. I was really excited for this season. Maybe it was because it followed two very underwhelming seasons. Gabon was okay, I guess, in terms of game play, but it was a very predictable season with a very stupid and irritating cast. Micronesia was just a killer – fans vs favorites my ass. They weren’t fans and they weren’t my favorites. Fail. China, for me, was the last truly satisfying season and I still can’t get over that. So, I was very excited for Tocantins.

That being said, I think this season has been kindof a dud. The challenges are reused, the tribal councils are not as action packed and interesting, and frankly, I’m just fucking bored. Sure, a few blindsides have been made, but only two have been interesting and even so, they were bittersweet. There is a major lack of likable characters, and no legitimate drama has been as entertaining as it has in the past.

I wanted to give up last week. I can barely make fun of anyone anymore. I can't mock Spencer for being 19, or Joe for not doing anything, or Sydney for being the blandest flirter ever (while still being pretty, I'll give her that). Shit, Coach has even gotten annoying for me. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know why I'm watching.

Now, we’re two members into the jury. There are only about seven people I even like this season, one of which I’m leaning more towards being indifferent because he’s been gone for so long. Six of those seven made the merge, two of them are eliminated and on the jury, and one of them I only like for her personality and I would not care if she did not make the finale. Essentially, we’re stuck with the psycho killer, the princess, the country boy, the nerd, the footballer’s wife, the mama, and the dumb blonde. So really, there are only three people I’m really rooting for. Fuck my life.

Then, the past two weeks happened, and I have learned why I am going to remain dedicated to this season, besides the fact that it's Survivor and I have to. And trust me, unlike the world and a half, it has nothing to do with me liking Erinn and Sierra. Because I kindof don't.

They're not listening. Bitches.

We’ll start with last week. First off, Coach is a dumbass.

I'm sure you could, Coach. I'm sure.

Really, Coach has never bothered me until recently. He's just been there. Sometimes, he's even been funny. But I was done that first week. I know everyone ranks him at the bottom, and I don't think he's that awful. But he was annoying this time around.

I can’t really hate Coach like everyone else though. Part of me is convinced he’s psycho, yet I get him sometimes. He’s not as intolerable as Sandy was. Most of the time, he’s just being a jackass. However, there are methods to his madness. Sometimes. I do feel as if he really is human deep inside though. He seems like a good guy in person. Just someone who likes to talk way too much. He’s also a bad player.

More importantly, there’s the subject of Brendan. I learned throughout the past two weeks that you can never trust a person’s game play until the merge. Then again, I learned that last year with Randy. Despite him being a jackass, I thought Randy was the most capable of winning the game. He knew what was up, he knew how to do things, and he screamed winner really loudly. That is…until the merge. Then, he just sucked. Now, Brendan’s not exactly as bad, but all of my high hopes were pretty much invalidated this week. Not really because he went home, but because of how he went home.

This is essentially what happened that makes me want to bang my head against this keyboard, strictly in terms of Brendan winning the game.

“So, I just have this MASTER PLAN, right? I say we get rid of JT. He’s the biggest threat in the challenges and we’re never going to beat him, so I think I’m just gonna vote him out the next chance I get.”

“Aw hey, dude.”

“Okay, so, we won reward with Debbie. And we had a BLAST. But I’m still voting JT out. He’s a great guy, and he’s a lot of fun, and he’s well deserving of fan favorite, but I’m voting him out because he’s a threat.”

“Wanna sammich, Brendan?”

“Aw, shit. I can’t get rid of JT. He’s so cool, and nice, and awesome. He’s just, overall, a really cool guy. My skills as an entrepreneur allowed me to know him a lot better. I’m so happy I know someone just like JT. I need to get JT in the final two with me. You know what? Fuck final two. At this rate, because JT is the coolest guy here, I’m hoping he wins. Hell, I want JT to win more than I want my own self to win. Great people like JT need to win.”


I swear, JT must have charmed Brendan somehow in order for this to happen. Maybe JT gave Brendan one of his sammiches on the reward (misspelling intentional. it's kindof an inside joke). Still, Brendan, what the fuck.

I’m only saying this as far as Brendan goes. If Brendan wanted to win, he would get JT out. I would cry a river, but it’s for Brendan’s sake. There was no way JT would lose to Brendan. Hell, that’s probably why JT went with Tyson and Coach to get Brendan out. He probably thought, “Gee…he wants me to be in the final two? Shit, Brendan’s kinda dumb. I’m gonna kick his ass.” Seriously, being in the final two with JT is no different from being voted out. Bad move on Brendan’s part.

And he forgot to play the idol. After admitting he had it, he did not play the idol. BRENDAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING.

On the flip side, good on Brendan for my sake. Brendan’s my pick for the hottest guy this season, but considering for whom I’m rooting, I’ll let Brendan go before JT any day. It was dumb on his part, but really? I can’t complain too much when having JT win the season would be most excellent.

But that was all last week. This week was even more interesting.

I’ve got to admit, the people I thought were the best players have not been stepping it up. First, Brendan throws away all of his credentials because of his newfound fascination with JT. Then, Tyson throws away all of his credentials because of his animosity towards Sierra. Seriously, guys, can you not let your relationships get the best of you? It doesn’t make much sense. Tyson, you were already cocky. Think about yourself for a second. Because of these relationship flaws and formations, two of my favorite people of this season were blindsided by the vote. Gotta admit, I’m pretty upset, although they were brilliant moves. It just shows the idiocy of this group.

I’m gonna take this moment to get one thing out of the way first. I don’t like to follow the bandwagon very often when it comes to reality TV. Aside from how everyone roots for the obnoxious characters like Sierra, I tend to root for the arrogant, manipulative men. Why? Because the rules of the game are “Outwit, Outplay, Outlast.” There is no point in rooting for someone who gets there on a silly whim, unless they rode coattails really well (ie- Amber Brkich). In all honesty, with the exception of this week, I should’ve been rooting for Tyson. He fits every category I need – manipulative, opinionated, blunt, strong, talented, and attractive. Honestly, he should’ve been my guy. I should be looking for someone new for whom to root.

Instead, I found out, the week Brendan was ousted, that I’m in love with JT. I haven’t had this much of a crush on a Survivor contestant since Boston Rob – and that was mainly on looks (though he taught me how to appreciate the players of the game. I still root for people as great of players as Rob.). With JT, it's not just the looks and talent (although that definitely counts. JT's totally sexy and extremely talented). Unlike most Survivor contestants I root for, he's been consistently very sweet and extremely genuine. JT kicks Ronnie Kroell's ass for best personality in a reality tv show, and that's saying something. Story of my life - I don’t really meet guys like him in my age group. It pains me how JT isn’t the 19 year old, not even gonna lie. He’s practically perfect. If I were 24 or he 18, I’d date him. Plain and simple. He seems to be the fan favorite too, and God knows I never root for the fan favorite. So this is very different for me.

That being said, I’d probably be rooting for him without the crush as well. This week, he proved he was one of the smartest people in the group. He’s not the number one smartest, but he’s very bright and aware. For some strange reason, the kid hasn’t had a single vote against him. I think that’s brilliant as far as what I want until he makes final two (then, I want him to get all the votes). However, it’s a bit dumb on their part. He will kick everyone’s ass in the finale because of his amazing personality. Everyone loves JT (except maybe Sierra?). I think JT is smart enough to realize that everyone subconsciously wants him to win, and I believe he is somehow using that to his advantage. Now, two of the strongest players in the competition are gone, and he’s the number one guy to beat with no votes tied to his name. I think JT’s definitely aware of his situation. Either that or he really is making everyone sammiches. Which is still using their stupidity to his advantage.

He also won that reward for his group. He made the idiot move to eat instead of compete in the immunity challenge, but he already single handedly won a reward so it’s whatever. Still kinda bummed, but whatevs.

On top of that, he proved he was playing the game when he decided to send Stephen to exile for the sole purpose of getting Stephen to find the next immunity idol. I’m pretty sure no one else on his reward team thought of that. JT isn’t the dumb hillbilly people might think he is. He’s ridiculously intelligent compared to the majority of this cast, that’s for damn sure. He also can speak better grammar than almost everyone else, which makes him even more intelligent.

Stephen has him beat in terms of brains though. Stephen was the one orchestrating the ousting of Tyson. Stephen’s thinking ahead. Stephen might not be the manipulator, but he’s definitely the thinker. I personally wasn’t expecting to like him this much, as he came off as way to judgmental and kindof prejudice in his statements about how he wouldn’t be friends with JT. That’s all over now, and he’s been awesome since. His plan against Tyson was brilliant. So was this statement.

"If we don't take out Tyson now, he could go on a run. You know, halfway through the season someone goes on a run. Let's make it you."

This proves how much these two want and need to be in the final two. Now. Sure, Stephen will be playing just as stupidly as Brendan, but I’m sure Stephen would get some votes anyway because he’s evolved so much. Not to mention, these two have been bromancing it up pretty much all season long, and, not only does it make for an interesting alliance, I gotta admit, it’s pretty fucking hot (though Stephen can back off. Just because I’m too young for JT doesn’t mean I don’t want him straight).

The next four are just kinda...there. Though I’ll make some bullet points.

Coach went on and off this week. Sometimes he was funny, sometimes he was not. I have a feeling he will overreact next week, and I’m not excited. I hope he gazes back into JT’s eyes and votes Sierra off like I know he secretly wants to.

This was pretty funny though. He's probably plotting her demise, and she's probably contemplating killing him in her sleep. So good.

Debbie was AWESOME this week. She’s really cute and bubbly. I adore her as a person. Unfortunately, I thought her win was pure luck. Tyson was the only one really competing in the immunity challenge. Debbie just happened to knock Sierra’s puck out of its undeserved place. Not saying that Debbie deserved to win immunity too much more than Sierra did, but she did well. I have yet to see any strategic moves from her, but I’m sure they’ll come someday, somehow.

Erinn did nothing really. She threw up, I guess.

No, Erinn did a lot of talking this week. She thinks she’s gonna shake up the game. Ha. I’d be shocked if she made final four to tell the truth. She’s talking a big game but no one’s listening because no one cares. Miss Joe now, don’t ya, bitch? Oh well, at least she was on Debbie’s side in the Debbie/Sierra fight.

At the same time, it was rude for her to barge into the conversation.

Taj didn’t do anything, but I'd really love for her to tell those puppies to sit. They were all over the place this past week. I still love her though.

And now, for the fun part. Let’s see who can go from bashing to praising in two pages! =)

Typical Sierra. So typical.

For the entirety of this season, I’ve never understood the love for Sierra. Usually, when people praise a worthless contestant, it’s based on their appearance. For example, Alexis from Micronesia did absolutely nothing, and was loved for being pretty (although she looked really mousy to me). Sierra’s not very pretty and she’s not that good of a model either. I mean, if you’re gonna go for the hot girls, root for Erinn. She’s obnoxious as shit, but she’s hot. My thing with Sierra is that everyone loved her from the getgo, when she did absolutely nothing to deserve such love. She was sick when the season started, suffering from a fever of 102 degrees and a case of strep throat. Everyone was so against her tribe voting her out initially, but face the fucking facts, guys. She shouldn’t be on Survivor in that situation. She should be in a hospital or in bed. For fucking real.

This week pushed my hatred of her over the edge. I didn’t think I could dislike anyone anymore than I did Sandy this season. She drove me insane this week. Trying to say she wasn't involved in anything Brendan did, trying to scramble when no one’s listening because she’s unaware of how fucking stupid she comes across, celebratory dancing when she advanced in the immunity challenge on a silly whim, trying to blame Brendan for her situation in the game when it was she who aligned herself with him in the first place… My fucking lord, there is nothing redeemable about this revolting girl.

She also needs to eat. That’s how she was at the beginning of this season? Grosssss. JT might hate you, Sierra, but go beg him to make you a sammich or ten. You sure as shit need them.

I think it’s hilarious how people have Sierra rated so highly for not having a single shitting thing to do with Tyson’s elimination. She only voted for him because he was a jerk to her. She wasn’t part of the plan to eliminate him. You know why? Because no one who’s part of the plan likes her. Clearly, because she’s the skinny blonde bitch of the season, she’s being edited as the season’s sweetheart. Her argument with Debbie was useless, and it made her look even more annoying than she’s been coming across. At least with Sugar, she did something of worth. She made her moves. Sierra doesn’t know what she’s doing. At all. She knows that, but she won’t accept the fact that she’s a stupid little girl or an annoying little bitch? Really? The only strategic thing she’s done all season was align herself with the exile alliance. With the exception of Brendan, none of them even like her. No one on her tribe likes her. She might be a very popular contestant with the American viewers (for reasons that make no sense at all), but you know she’s not the perfect little angel when no one likes her. Shit, you KNOW you’re doing something wrong when fucking JT Thomas has something negative to say about you.

JT: “Sierra is a lying bitch. I hate her.”
Stephen: “I hate her too!”
JT: “I want her away from my fucking face.”

Seriously, this made my life. JT, the nicest person to exist on this entire season, called Sierra a lying bitch. I mean, he’s already my favorite, and I’m already pretty much in love with him, but that made the episode. It was hilarious. Sure, no one understands why he said she lied to him, but it’s not like he’s stupid. She lied to Tyson before us. Tyson probably mocked her in front of JT, he heard everything she said, and he was repulsed by her bullshit. I don’t blame him. She is kindof a lying bitch anyway – she said she loved JT and didn't want to see him go, then she told Tyson she wanted to vote him out. She lied, so don't deny it, Sierra fans. JT can hate her and call her a lying bitch all he wants. He's better than her anyway.

Ending my rant, all I can say is that if things play out the way they should, Coach will yell at JT and Stephen, they’ll think about ruining the Jalapao three, JT will win immunity, Coach and JT will reconcile, they’ll all get together and kick Sierra out. That’s the only thing that really makes sense. Really, it’s Pirate Master’s Kendra all over again (then again, only I’d know that. Only I continued watching the series after it was cancelled).

Either that or she’ll ruin my life and end up in the final two with JT. Which wouldn’t be bad because then JT will get every vote and Tyson will go all Fiji!Alex on Sierra and I will laugh uncontrollably. At the same time, would I really want her winning a consolation prize for doing nothing but randomly appearing in second place? Not at all.

Then, there’s Tyson. It’s such a shame he was so cocky. I expected him to be in the final two. Shit, I wanted him in the final two. Oh well, I guess that’s how the cookie crumbles.

On a “Tyson, wtf” note, I did laugh at how he thought JT was the one who stayed by his side, and not Debbie. JT is just that cool, huh? Of course.

I like how Tyson is all of a sudden a total asshole now that he stated his opinion on Sierra that wasn’t what Facebook or LiveJournal thinks. I don’t know, the way I saw it, he was being honest with his feelings on her place in the game. He thought she didn’t have one. He didn’t think she was smart. He thought she was annoying. So, now, he’s an awful, ugly, heartless fuck because he can’t say anything nice about Sierra even though she is pretty useless and stupid. Tyson’s to blame. Not Sierra. Of course, Survivor fans. Of fucking course. Because when it comes to Sierra, what you see is what you get, no matter how many interviews and confessionals say she’s annoying and childish and not a total sweetheart as the editors have shown.

Whether it’s true or not doesn’t matter. The fact of the matter is Tyson was being an honest human being by stating an opinion on Sierra, that was different then the internet's opinion, and now he’s the jackass of the season. Whatever happened to the phrase “opinions are like assholes – everyone has one”? Because it totally applies.

I don’t know. I’ve been saying there’s nothing special about Sierra for weeks. I’ve been saying she’s annoying and miserable and obnoxious for so long. I guess I’m a total jackass too.

Also, let's face it. The boyfriend quote was hilarious.

I’m sad to see Tyson go, but he’s on the jury. Not only will be looking totally fresh and sexy for jury duty (maybe he can help BRENDAN out with that. Ugh. Shave that thing off your face, Mr. Synott.), but he will deliver some kickass jury questions. I’m excited. =D

Next week, Deb and Coach want to go back to Timbira vs Jalapao. Sierra does not. Hopefully, that leads into Sierra vs everyone. I don’t know, having her go to Ponderosa just after she tasted unearned sweet victory from ridding herself of Tyson sounds like such a plan right now.

A final note, I think it’s really funny how I initially was pro-Timbira and anti-Jalapao in the beginning of this season, and now, my favorite was from Jalapao and my least favorite was from Timbira. Seriously, that’s pretty funny.

1 comment:

  1. I agree about this season.
    They're just not real loveable.

    I wish we could have a season where fans really do vote their favourites back in.
    I like Tyson. He'll be good value on the jury.
    I wish Taj would step up. She started strong and has become a nobody.